


No Terms But Our Own

by JudeAraya



Series: Winter Cherry Blossoms [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anniversary, Established Relationship, M/M, Nostalgia, Romance, Surprises, japhan 2.0
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 11:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21427558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudeAraya/pseuds/JudeAraya
Summary: Phil had written the words into Dan’s skin with kisses and Dan had pressed the promises into the pages of a journal. They’d spent five years fighting for the privilege of the trip of their dreams, on no one else's terms but their own.Five years ago, Phil surprised Dan with the trip of their dreams. A trip that had been amazing, yes. Still, they always dreamed of doing it again, when things would be different.Dan would give Phil the world, but right now, he reckons, Japan, they way they want to do it, is a good start.~All three stories in this triptych can stand alone but work together to create an arc.~
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: Winter Cherry Blossoms [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553020
Comments: 14
Kudos: 136





	No Terms But Our Own

**Author's Note:**

> So many thanks to [Insectbah](https://insectbah.tumblr.com/) for offering to beta this at the drop of a hat and for being so generous and lovely.
> 
> Winter Cherry Blossoms are a thing! There are festivals and parks for the [fuyuzakura ](https://travel.gaijinpot.com/japan-sightseeing-essentials/cherry-blossoms-japan/winter-cherry-blossoms-in-japan/) trees that bloom as the maple trees turn for fall.

“Phil. _Phi-il._” 

“Hm?” Phil didn’t look up. He was so close to having his emails all taken care of, and no matter how tempting Dan sounded, Phil knew he’d be in the mood for whatever it is he wanted a few minutes from now. Dan had always been lovely like that, but especially in the last few months. Dan had always been easy to please when it came to sex. Sometimes he’d pretend to be upset whenever Phil was too lost in work to pay immediate attention, but more often than not it didn’t take much to win his attention back. Now, Dan was even more receptive to affection and attention than he’d ever been. The last year had seen Dan stretching into this beautiful new skin. He was softer, more open.

“I get to be myself all the time now,” he’d said to Phil one day when Phil had remarked on it. They were drowsing together in a rare puddle of sunlight on the couch. Dan was beautiful in an overlarge jumper and his pants, eyes sleepy post orgasm, fingers running through Phil’s hair over and over. “I don’t _have_ to, but the freedom to be who I am on the inside, outside...it’s like everything has shifted. In the best way.”

Despite yet another setback in Dan’s project, Dan had managed to shake off his disappointment more easily than he could have in the past. Rather than wallowing on the couch and spiraling into tumblr tags, Dan had spent the day baking while Phil worked. Before, they’d both gotten to the point where it was harder and harder each day to demarcate work from any part of their lives, from letting it bleed through constantly. 

Phil wasn’t the only one working on ‘Project Sphere’. There were ways in which he was doing so well with re-learning – or rather, learning – how to have a well-rounded life. It turned out, however, that putting a lid on work-related stress so that he could focus on home life was much harder for Phil than Dan, especially as he began to get back into the familiar patterns of making a video, hosting live shows, and IRL-related business.

“Babe,” Dan said, more insistently.

“_Babe_,” Phil replied, still typing.

“That’s not even a good impersonation,” Dan complained. Phil quirked his eyebrow without looking up. “And no, this can’t wait, so put that eyebrow away.” 

Phil grunted, typed out the last few words, and scanned the email quickly – Dan didn’t sound truly put out, not with the laughter laced under his words – before hitting send. 

“Alright, alright,” he said. Dan was propped against the doorway, ankles crossed, hands holding...a gift? If Phil wasn’t mistaken, it was wrapped with Yuri on Ice wrapping paper. “Is that for me?” He pointed toward himself. Dan snorted. 

“No, you dingbat, it’s for my other partner.” Dan’s eyes and lips were lit with a small smile, and he radiated something so excited and bright and happy Phil could swear his own skin vibrated with it too. 

“Oh, well your other partner must be very lucky then.” Phil smiled and held out grabby hands. 

‘Nuh-uh,” Dan said, shaking his head even as he entered the room. He paused an arms length away. 

“_Daaan,_” Phil whined. “Don’t tease.” 

Dan put the gift on the desk, coming to stand so he was straddling Phil’s knees. Warmth seeped from his palms and through Phil’s t-shirt where Dan cupped his shoulders. He bent over and whispered a kiss across Phil’s lips. 

“But you like it when I tease,” Dan said, lips damp and generous, a breath from Phil’s. Phil grabbed Dan’s hips, happy enough for the moment to take this gift over the other. 

“Not with presents,” Phil lied. He bit Dan’s lip and pulled him as close as he could, which was not nearly close enough thanks to his computer chair. 

“Mmm,” Dan hummed into the next kiss, and then the one after. He had to brace himself from toppling over when Phil pulled on his hips again. “Steady there mate.” Lamentably, he pulled away completely, and even worse, grabbed the gift and turned to leave. 

“What? I don’t even get it now?” Phil said, indignant.

“Of course you can.” Dan looked over his shoulder, bottom lip caught between his teeth. “You can have both if you promise to be a good boy and be done for the day.” 

Phil had a handful of emails left to answer, but Dan was much too tempting. And besides, _gift_! Surely business could wait another day while Phil worked on being well rounded. Indulging himself with a beautiful man offering sex and gifts had to be considered spherical. If he really put his mind to it, Phil knew he could make the metaphor work. 

Thankfully, he didn’t much care to put his mind anywhere but Dan, because right now Dan was up to something and it was honestly delightful. Phil crawled up onto their bed after Dan and tried to crawl onto his lap only to be pushed away with a laugh. 

“No, really though, gift first.” 

“All right then,” Phil said, hands out. 

“Ah, wait, I have a thing – I have like, like a speech,” Dan said. Phil paused, fingers under the first flap of wrapping paper where he’d been about to tear it off. He settled, cross-legged, present on his lap, and watched the red bloom across Dan’s cheeks. Dan struggled for a moment, fingers plucking at the hem of his sleeve. 

“Okay.” He put a hand on Dan’s knee and got a sweet smile in return.

“Oh, nevermind, I don’t know if I can –” Dan cleared his throat. “Open it and then maybe I’ll figure it out.” 

“You’re being weird. Weirder than normal,” Phil said, happily opening the gift anyway. “I like the wrapping paper, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Dan said in an odd, tight voice. 

“Seriously, you all right?” 

“Oh, just hush and open your gift.” Any edge to the words was lost, what with how Dan was biting his thumbnail. 

“Stop, you’ll ruin it,” Phil said, pulling Dan’s fingers from his mouth. He’d just painted them an almost translucent purple glitter Phil was quite fond of. Dan’s dimple fluttered in and out of sight. He gestured at Phil to keep going. Under the wrapping paper was a plain box Phil managed to open with only a little difficulty. Inside, nestled in a bed of soft pink tissue paper, was a picture set in a floating glass frame. 

“Dan,” he whispered, running his fingers just over the surface. It was an old selfie, one he’d taken in Japan, that day by the cherry blossoms. They’d wandered until it was just the two of them, taking pictures of each other. Some for themselves, some for the fans. Phil had been working to get a picture of Dan framed so that the shadow of the flowers would dapple over his skin when Dan had finally lost patience, pulling him in for a surprising, sweet kiss. 

They never kissed in public. But that moment had felt so private, only the hush of wind shearing petals from blossoms surrounding them. Phil had never felt so full of Dan, so, _so_ in love, in his life. Which was saying a lot, considering how often he’d ached with loving this man. How he’d loved him when every odd had been against them, when Dan felt his most unloveable, when Phil sometimes missed Dan to the point of distraction after only a few hours of separation. 

Dan had pulled away with a small laugh but let Phil reel him in by the waist. Phil had raised his camera for a selfie by instinct, capturing the exact moment Dan pressed a kiss to his cheek. Even eyes closed and in profile, Dan’s smile was obvious, happiness in the curve of his cheek. Phil’s eyes were scrunched a little, caught off guard, his own smile wide and clear in his eyes. 

They looked so happy. They looked like _them_, the version of themselves they usually kept so carefully guarded behind closed doors. 

“How –” Phil stopped when his voice cracked. He took a breath. “How did you get this?” 

“It was in the file of pictures you shared with me, remember?” 

Phil shook his head. They took so many photos of each other he’d never be able to keep track. It was, objectively, a completely imperfect picture. It wasn’t framed properly and the angle was off. It was slightly blurry too. In sum it was something of a mess but secretly, Phil’s favorite picture of them, ever. 

“What I meant is, how did you know?” Phil looked up. Dan’s eyes were bright. Sometimes it scared Phil, how he couldn’t always tell which one of them started feeling an emotion first. His throat was tight with the threat of tears and he swore if Dan shed so much as a single one he was going to lose it. He’d told their followers how much more sensitive he was than he used to be, but acknowledging it was not the same as getting used to it. 

“I just did,” Dan said with a shrug. He poked the box, shoving it slightly toward Phil. “Well?”

“This is amazing Dan,” Phil said. “What’s it for?” He began lifting it from the tissue, surprised when two pieces of paper fluttered from the back of the frame. He set the picture aside carefully to pick them up. 

“Is this –” he looked up at Dan, then back to the papers. “Is, are...are you joking?”

Dan’s face cracked with a brilliant smile, “No, Phil. It’s not a joke.” 

“Japan?” Phil had to close his eyes and blink them open twice. The words never changed. “Oh, my god, you...a trip –” 

“Well, our tenth anniversary _is_ coming up,” Dan hedged, as if he had to defend his gift. Phil bit his lip and forced his fingers to relax, lest he crush the papers in them. 

“It is,” he agreed. 

“And, well.” Dan held a shaking hand out. Phil took it without hesitation. Dan was looking down too, at the tickets. A tear slipped down his cheek. “We have unfinished business, don’t we?” 

Phil gasped, and laughed, and mindful of the photo, carefully pulled Dan into a wet mess of a kiss. “Yes, we do.” 

Promises made in the dark, dreams spun from hope. Five years ago in a bed in Japan, wishing for a future that felt like an impossibility.

_One day when we’re out_

_Everyone will know I’m yours_

Phil had written the words into Dan’s skin with kisses and Dan had pressed the promises into the pages of a journal. They’d spent five years fighting for the privilege of the trip of their dreams, on no one else's terms but their own.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this fic, please feel free to [reblog](https://judearaya.tumblr.com/post/189051630867/fic-no-terms-but-our-own-phan) on tumblr!


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